Welcome to a Stormy Picnic

Senkoji Temple furin

i still want
to ride
the ferris wheel
over osaka
& watch
the sunset
with you

i want to see
yodogawa
hanabi
with you

i still want
to go
to an onsen
with you

i still want
to go
yama hiking
with you

All the guys went on a picnic. Of course, Kazuto, the chef, made refinements to the food for the bento boxes. Watching that, I thought: That might be me. One of my dreams was to be a chef. It still could happen. Maybe that's what my career will be when I move to Japan.

What made this episode especially interesting was the new member, Ikuo. He has so much energy, so much fun in him, and it pairs easily with Dai. But Dai and Shun have something complicated going on. Shun likes distance; Dai is affectionate. Ikuo is affectionate, too. At the picnic, Dai and Ikuo were together the entire time.

Shun said he had adverse feelings about what was happening between them, but watching through the screen, I could see something else. I recognize that feeling, mostly when I see what you post on Instagram. I know you were with your boyfriend, and I can only imagine that it was me.

My heart drops straight into my stomach. Heat spreads through my veins, almost disabling me. At the same time, I want to throw my iPhone across the room, because what I really want is this time with you—more time with you—to make more memories together.

We have our own connection, something special. I just hope we can see it clearly and not waste the eight years we've already spent together. I keep thinking about our time at the beach, when we tried to find the gay beach. It was just as sunny as it was in the show. We didn't play games.

Mostly, we sat in silence, looking out into the distance. This is how easy it should be: you and me. The sun on our faces. Sharing a sweet treat now and then. A joke here, a seductive glance there. Everyone else on the beach is living their own stories.

Planes taking off and landing at Kobe and Kansai Airports. Boats and ferries crossing the water, making the trips that keep life in Japan moving. And the wind kissing our faces as we sit there, quietly agreeing that what we have is precious, something nothing in the world should be allowed to corrupt.